Change , one of the only things that paradoxically remains constant. There are a million little things changing in every second that passes; from the changes in ions to the neurons in our minds. Sometimes change takes us by surprise, and we’re thrown in some unfamiliar direction where we have to make a new normal for ourselves. Other times we see it coming, like a train wreck directly in your path. With nowhere to hide, you surrender to your fate, salvaging whatever’s left of your life and moving on. Change can be a choice too. Those intentional steps we take to ensure our lives aren’t just the culmination of other people’s choices. That we have a say in our destiny.
In the middle of our routine living, we suddenly come awake with our souls crying out and searching for something more. Something better than the reality we’d slipped into. For the first time, okay isn’t what you want. Where you are is enough but not whole. There the search begins. At least that’s what it was for me. It feels like I was prancing through life sheltered by the bliss gifted by ignorance. When knowledge came knocking at my door I wasn’t at all prepared for the domino effect it would cause in my life. I had this grand idea that I could keep all parts of my life neatly separate. The compartmentalization guru; or so I thought.
I’m a fan of the fantasy genre and a popular trope is making the most unlikely candidate the hero/heroine. The scrawny kid against an empire. Sometimes I feel like life’s a little bit like that. You ever get past a situation in your life that leaves you completely dumbfounded? In between the moments of turbulence, you’re amazed at your ability to survive and adapt while simultaneously terrified to admit it in case the powers that be hear you and up the game. I used to fight change, and if I couldn’t I certainly didn’t try being positive. At least not until the situation begins to work out for me and I’m suddenly gratefully singing praises. Thanking God because of course it’s all working for my good. The truth is God has always made a way, I know that. It just took a long time to accept it.
I wanted to grow, to be better, to experience new things but I don’t think I’d fully internalized that change is a part of all this. Deep down I wanted what I already had to feel different, to mean more than it was. Sometimes it did, but not enough to satisfy the gnawing need growing in my psyche. It was only when I embraced change, the controllable and uncontrollable, that I began to enjoy life. That each new dawn became a little less daunting. There’s a certain peace that comes with accepting your place in the grand scheme of things. You don’t have to always be in control, the perfect version of you no matter the circumstance. Life’s beautiful because of the moments we can barely recognize ourselves, not despite of them. It’s a golden opportunity to get to know yourself again, like making a brand new friend. Make space for the new. Welcome the change with open curiosity. Who knows, you might like it.
The best advice I got lately is to find the little things that give you stability; journaling, art, knitting, morning, afternoon or evening walks, writing a newsletter, reading or just your favorite meal. It might not change much but taking charge of what I can, has helped be a bit more equipped for the unfamiliar. Even if your only weapon is confidence, sometimes that’s all you need to take the next step. Take back your power, maybe there in lies your joy.
A lot of the times that change was really painful was when I realized I’d tied my sense of self to a person, a place or an activity. Whatever it was I was leaving behind felt like me. Once that was stripped away I was left floundering wondering who I was until I found the next thing to latch onto. Every time I searched for answers I was led back to ‘know yourself’. It felt like I was searching for a ghost. I’m right here, but who am I?
Who I was had to stop being rooted in what was outside me before I reduced the screaming within when reality refused to align with my expectations. Somewhere along the path of positive internal dialogues, lots of bible verses and a few painful truths I began to trust that even in new waters God would use it to build not break me. I might stumble, even fall overboard, maybe swallow some salty water, but I’d be back on my way to freedom because I am not alone. Add to that the little habits I began to do to build my self-confidence and I feel like I can handle some change. There’s still more to learn but I feel like I’m finally beginning to understand that change isn’t the enemy. Now I’d rather face the uncertainty than remain the same. I hope you can embrace change a little more too.
The serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things, I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And wisdom to know the difference
Living one day at a time
Enjoying one moment at a time
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace
Taking as He did this sinful world
As it is not as I would have it
Trusting that he will make all things rights
If I surrender to his will
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with him
Forever and ever in the next
Amen
Word play
Transmute – change in form, nature or substance
Musings
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Wow...so insightful ❤️