If I could bottle that feeling when you’ve paid extra attention to your attire and looks and the first thing your friends do when they see you is shower you with compliments, I’d be retired by now. We’ve heard it said so many times that we don’t know what is going through someone’s head; either because we’re too busy projecting, they’re just that good at faking or they also have no idea what’s going on in there. That’s why I think it’s so important to remind our friends how we see them. How many times have you thought your friend has a beautiful smile or an infectious laugh, a magnetic personality? How many times have you said something about it? Maybe you’re scared it’ll seem weird or you don’t want to deal with the awkwardness that comes with speaking your mind, a valid fear if I do say so myself.
Everyone seems to have a set of beliefs they’re using to govern their internal reality. Insecurities born of a single comment or a thousand interactions only they fully understand. So, when a well-meaning friend gives a compliment say, “You’re so beautiful,” sometimes you preen and bask in the afterglow. The other times though, when an internal voice echoes, ‘Are you really?’, we have to ask whose truth is the truth? If the insecurity wins we decide the friend was just being nice, downplay the compliment or disregard it completely, that’s easier than challenging those daunting internal beliefs. Easier than admitting our truth is tainted. That’s why it’s inherently important to pay heed to the questions that guide your flow of thought. Sometimes, all it takes is a question to sow doubt. Eve’s encounter with the serpent began with a question after all.
One of the reasons why humans maintain superiority as a species is the ability to think about our thoughts. You are not your thoughts, you possess the ability to weigh the pros and cons and decide against it. Maybe even have a little laugh inside in incredulity. However, there’s a level of thinking that goes deeper than that, where we can’t readily access control despite its major influence on our thoughts, emotions and behavior. What I find fascinating is that what goes on in the subconscious mind is kind of automated unless you think about it. Your beliefs, emotions and values might not be something you think about everyday but once you do it’s like a veil has been lifted. You begin to see patterns in the decision and actions you make. So, it comes down to a question I find difficult to answer, are your patterns coming from a place of fear or driven towards growth? Are you running from something or headed towards a destination?
I know I’m asking a lot of questions but in Zora Neale Hurston’s words, “There are years that ask questions and years that answer”. This then is a year that asks questions.
The root of your insecurities might be buried deep within your physique but its fruits always bleed in to daily life. We show our insecurities in a thousand little ways. The clothes we’re afraid to wear, a demeaning comment about a body type, nit picking others and our own appearance, being overly critical, choosing friends who affirm our negative thoughts. Insecurities have a way of stealing our compassion and magnifying our need to criticize. You lose yourself when you reject your worth in favor of the lies planted in your head that make you feel less than you are. Not every flower blooms in winter, the sun needs to shine in you.
The mind is a battlefield that won’t accept neutrality. The only sides you can choose from are the defense or offence. Since your insecurities already have a head start, offence should be your first go to.
Every time I got tips on dealing with insecurity, the spotlight was shone on confidence. The first thing you have to do is pray and read scripture that reminds you how God sees you; the Bible says God is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. God can handle the weight of your insecurities so don’t shy from crying out to him. Confront and challenge your insecurities once they rear their ugly heads. That means identifying, unpacking and interacting with your less than pleasant thoughts. Once won’t do it, this will be a habit you’ll have to build for example through journaling using prompts. Be accepting and kind in whatever you uncover, kindness and assertiveness can co-exist. Combat the negativity with firm loving rebukes. No matter what you believe you are worthy of love and kindness, especially from yourself. Don’t let your insecurities prevent you from being spontaneous.
Someone said “You fall in love with the people who make you love the person you are when you’re around them”. That’s cute and all until all the people around you are putting you down in the name of “I love you so I’m telling you the truth”. But truth without empathy is cruel and love should not be cruel to you. So, surround yourself with encouraging people. People who respect themselves and others. Don’t have anyone in mind? Then it’s time to learn from content creators and authors who’ve been exactly where you are. We’re all trying to live, there’s tips out there to make it easier. We all need connection so if the load is too heavy, reach out to trusted friends, family or a licensed therapist.
Bible study
1 Peter 5:7, Genesis 1:27, Psalm 34:4, Philippians 4:6-7
Word play
Timorousness – easily frightened
Musings
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