Coming to the realization that you’ve placed people in a more important position than they have for you is incredibly painful. The person you consider your closest friend might not feel the same about you. For a long time, I held an “all or nothing” mentality about friendships: once a close friend, always a close friend. But as I’ve stepped into adulthood, I’ve had to shake off this mindset because it doesn’t account for growth—mine or theirs.
We all hail from earth (unless you’re a Martian), but everyone is undeniably on their own path. Thankfully, the world is big enough for us all, no matter the stage we’re at. As my priorities have shifted, I’ve noticed that some people stayed the same. Whether their circumstances worked for or against them, they chose to remain in familiar territory. I’ve realized I was being controlling by trying to push others toward growth they weren’t ready for. In hindsight, it was also an excuse to avoid dealing with my own issues.
God, in His kindness, has refused to let me stay comfortable in spaces that stifle my evolution. Over the past few years, loss has often been tied to lessons. Each friendship illuminating parts of me I didn’t know existed, bringing hidden struggles to light and offering opportunities for healing.
How does self-awareness come into play? It starts with how you define the relationships you nurture. Do you call everyone you interact with a friend, or do you have subcategories that reflect their behavior and your shared connection? Before I took friendships seriously, I went with the flow, letting others define and redefine the relationship as they wished. I struggled to speak up when the relationship no longer met my needs. I also didn’t want to be the one who walked away when the relationship fizzled out. I thought there had to be a villain for a friendship to end. That meant, If I walked away, I would be the villain.
Self-awareness helps us recognize and address emotions that can harm relationships. For example, jealousy can create rifts if left unchecked. My first instinct when envy takes root is to pretend it doesn’t exist, but ignoring it only causes it to fester. A better approach is to ask myself: Why do I feel this way? The answer might be as simple as wanting something, like a position or recognition. But often, it runs deeper—perhaps impatience or insecurity is stirring in my heart. Trusting God’s plan for my life has helped me learn to release these feelings. I also underestimated the power of honesty, sometimes all you need is to tell your friend you’re jealous and they can help you process your feelings.
Relationships thrive on clear communication, but misunderstandings often arise from differences in how we express ourselves. I recently learned about apology languages—how one person might think saying “I’m sorry” is enough, while another needs a plan of action to feel reassured. Exploring your own communication style and that of those close to you can help bridge these gaps and foster growth in your relationships.
While opposites might attract, shared core values are crucial for lasting connections. It’s easy to avoid people who loudly disagree with your principles, but subtler challenges can be harder to navigate. Snide comments, lack of support, or disregard for your interests can wear you down over time. Why force yourself to fit into groups that dismiss your hobbies, music, or favorite shows? It’s okay to okay to have differing opinions, but if every conversation feels like a battlefield, it might be time to walk away. Embody the fact that you deserve peace.
Friendships aren’t always seasonal because of geography; sometimes, you let go of people you still have access to because the connection fades. In trying to salvage a relationship, your heart might go silent—it no longer yearns for their companionship, even as your mind urges you to keep trying. Dry conversations and monotone replies make it harder to think of a “next time.” Sometimes, we watch bridges burn and feel nothing.
Letting go doesn’t make you the villain. This doesn’t mean abandoning morality or disregarding others’ feelings. Instead, it’s about releasing yourself from the weight of their expectations or perceptions. You cannot reshape someone else’s reality. What you can do is embody your truth, live harmoniously with others, and respect your own values. Kindness shouldn’t come at the expense of your peace, and standing up for yourself isn’t unkind.
Practical Tips for Self-Awareness in Relationships
Define Your Relationships: Be honest about where people fit in your life. Not everyone is a close friend, and that’s okay.
Address Negative Emotions: When you feel jealousy, anger, or disappointment, ask yourself why. Understanding the root cause can help you process it constructively.
Clarify Communication Styles: Discuss with your friends or loved ones how you each express apologies, gratitude, or affection. This can reduce misunderstandings.
Evaluate Compatibility: Reflect on whether your values align with the people you spend time with. If they don’t, consider whether the relationship is worth the strain.
Set Boundaries: Learn to say no when a relationship becomes one-sided or draining. Protecting your peace is an act of self-love.
Be Open to Change: People grow and change, and so do relationships. Accept that some connections are meant for a season, not a lifetime.
Final Thoughts
Relationships are one of life’s greatest gifts, but they require effort, reflection, and self-awareness to thrive. By understanding your emotions, values, and communication needs, you can build healthier connections with others while staying true to yourself. Remember, it’s not selfish to prioritize your well-being—it’s necessary.
How are you showing up in your relationships today? What steps can you take to nurture both your connections and your own growth?
Bible study
Proverbs 27:17
Musings
Thank you for joining me in this seventh post of the Self-Awareness Series! If you’re new here, don’t forget to subscribe for more reflection and resources on self-awareness. For those who are already part of our community, welcome back! To help you dive deeper, here’s a free printable journal prompt designed to guide you in exploring self-awareness and emotional health.
If you’re ready to take your journey further, check out my eBook How to Get Started on Self-Awareness , where I share practical tools and insights to kick-start your self-awareness journey.
Until next time, seek within, and rise above.
