Maybe I just needed a moment to grow out of my fear,
Or a lifetime to sit with it,
When I feel this ache, deep in my bones
In the marrow of my spirit
Through the expanse of my mind
I know I might need all the time in the world,
To find the tangled shards embedded in my soul
I ache from the weight I carry
The responsibility I took on myself to change my life
What is mine to build?
What is God’s to glue?
The thoughts echo painfully in my mind
Scarring the tender walls of my brain
Still, I think.
My thoughts churn and simmer
They make no more sense today than they did yesterday
But, still I hope
That there’s life beyond this season.
But this season’s fingerprint seems to touch beyond now.
If I let go am I shirking my responsibilities?
If I hold on am I standing in God’s way?
I’m making room for the questions,
Each step taken in a direction only God knows
Still I walk
Trying to follow people doing life for the first time too
How foolish
How human
I wander into the unknown
Clinging to the predictably safe
Dipping my toes in the unpredictable,
To untangle myself from the web of fear,
I sit with in this lifetime.
Beautiful